Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
