Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
