my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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