Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
