The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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