i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
