my mouth tastes like poor choices
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
