I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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