Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
