so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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