So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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