I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
