Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
