i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
