We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The Olympian is in my bed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
