I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
