dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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