The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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