i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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