i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
