Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
