he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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