God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
