Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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