I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
