I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
