She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
