I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm getting married
To pizza
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
