My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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