and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
