my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
