your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
