oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
