Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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