so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
