No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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