break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
