it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
