Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
