I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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