I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
