I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
