Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
