The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if only i could text you this smell
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
