turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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