i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
