I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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