We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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