Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
