I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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