I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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