whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
