that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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